5 Types of "Gym Bros" to Watch Out For

gym bro
/jim brō/ 

That guy at the gym.
Yes, the one you're picturing right now.

I'm sure that anyone who's stepped foot in the gym, particularly the weights room, has had their own encounter of the typical gym bro. Here are 5 different stereotypes to watch out for.
Let me know which ones you have witnessed, and which drive you absolutely crazy:



The Poser

His Tinder photos are most likely all taken from the gym -- shirtless with just the right lighting, filter, and sweaty look. Most often found posing for selfies either in the locker or the weights room. Although  he may claim to be a "fitness model," he spends 80% of his gym time setting up the perfect Insta-story and only 20% actually working out. Never seen without his phone.
Most likely in expensive colour-coordinated athlesiure clothes that he'll barely even break a sweat in. His shoes aren't really for training anyway.
#ThumbDayEveryDay


The Bro-scientist

Good luck working out next to him as he gives unsolicited advice because he's "just looking out for you bro." Licensed Mansplainer. Will throw a hundred different fitness facts at you that he most likely read on body building forums or he heard from random Gymstagram celebrities: "Bro, if you do cardio right after doing weights, it cancels out the protein synthesis. You won't develop your muscles -- that's negative gainz bro."
The personal trainer you never asked for.
#IllShowYouTheWhey

The Grunter

Before you even step in the gym, you'll hear him from a mile away. With every movement, he lets out an often unnecessary loud sound: Is that a roar? A moan? Whatever it is, the sound will drive you nuts. It's as if he's trying to say "Yo bro, can't you tell I'm going HAM right now? No? You want me to grunt louder to prove that I'm the strongest guy in the gym right now?" 

More often than not, he'll also be incessantly dropping the weights and making sure each time he loads up the bar, it makes a loud metal sound. 

If you're planning to sit next to this guy at the bench, do yourself a favour and just don't.

#GrrrindDontStop


The Bicep-tennial Man

Most likely in compression tights worn under basketball shorts -- with matching neoprene knee support from "the time I got injured playing basketball" (not always true). Uses this as an excuse to only work on arms... every. single. day. Has a back wider than a football field but calves so thin that it makes you wonder how they can support his upper body weight.
Does bicep curls in the squat rack. Doesn't care if you throw him mad shade for that.
Never squats, only uses the leg press machine usually with a spotter. Makes you wonder how he can use 100-pound dumbbells with no effort (but oftentimes bad form), but wusses out whenever it's leg day.
Johnny Bravo is his spirit animal.
#BeastMode #ExceptWhenItsLegDay

The Roid Head

With bulging veins and a chest that appears to have double E boob implants, he is the quintessential "body builder stereotype." If you're wondering if he's doping then he most likely is.
Often wears tiny cotton singlets that barely covers his pecs (just enough fabric to cover the nipples). Falls into two types:
- Those who are open about using might even sing praises of the latest tren/clen cocktail they're on.
- Those who aren't will claim "Nah, I just drink a lot of whey bro" or "Must be the creatine pump."
The real life version of Steve Rogers/Captain America (watch the origin movie where they basically give Scrawny Steve some pretty potent roids to turn into a superhero).
#NattyOrNot


BONUS:

The Project-X Party Crashers

My ultimate favourite. Most likely found in a herd, these guys come into the gym for an hour or two and absolutely tear the place apart. They hoard all the weights and never put them back, play loud Swedish House Mafia/EDM/DIY-Virtual-DJ music on their own portable speakers, and even borrow your bench with the promise of "let's alternate each set, bro" but never leave.
The minute they're gone, it's as if a hurricane destroyed the gym: dumbbells and plates everywhere, the benches not where they usually are, and remnants of whatever pre-workout/chalk/post-workout pizza they shared can be found everywhere.
#FitFam


If you're reading this and you find that any of these apply to you: stop. Don't be that guy.

Kidding aside, it's easy to fall into any one of these stereotypes, whether you're a bro or babe, and there's nothing wrong with that.
What's important is to come into the gym with a fuelled with drive and a good attitude, and to treat everyone (and the equipment) with respect.

*This post is all in good fun. No gym bros were harmed in the making of this post.
**Seriously though, please don't get offended bro.